I'm home. It's been a while. Again. And life, at the moment, is wonderful. It's great. Spectacular. Awesome. Ha. I'm such a freak.

Tiffany got into UCR. I just got the official word this morning that she wants to go and she wants to dorm. I'm sure we can swing her parents into agreeing. That's tonight's mission. Today's mission is to find spoils for her first dorm belongings. I'm so proud of her. And I'm excited for her. And if I do say so myself, I have a few tidbits of advice to pass on. Ha. Just like a mom already.

My mood has also been greatly improved lately. I don't want to write too much because I already feel like I've been talking too much and I don't want to jinx anything. But it's making me happy all the same. I'll be even happier if things work out the way I want them to. The countdown has begun.
posted by Nikki at 2:51 PM

Is it wrong to plan for something you're not sure you have? I mean, what if you're planning so that you can try to have it? There's nothing wrong with wanting something - as long as it's legal and not detrimental to your health. I've finally acknowledged (and dealt with) the fact that I really want this. So how to go about it?

It's annoying. I'm afraid to make a move because I don't know what might happen in the future that would affect what I want. I lost the last time because I didn't make a move soon enough. Don't want to go there again. Still, if I make the wrong move now it could really mess things up too.

Why do I want it in the first place? Because I think it'll make me happy. But is that a valid reason? I mean, is this the only way I can be happy? Should I base my happiness on getting this thing? Obviously not. But I guess the real question is, AM I basing my happiness on getting this thing? Because if I am, there needs to be some 'splaining to do.
posted by Nikki at 10:45 AM

They say dreaming is important. Well, lately, I think my dreams have helped me work through some issues. It's like I can wake up some mornings and feel something is different in myself. Like I have a new outlook.

About a month ago, I had this daydream that someone proposed to me. But instead of feeling all mushy gooey romantic, I was freaked out. My heart started pounding and my stomach started turning inside. Not a good sign. Then the other night, I distinctly remember dreaming about someone proposing to me. About them handing me something and telling me to open it. And as soon as they said it I knew they were proposing. And instead of being freaked out I was excited. And crying, of course. Just like some mushy gooey romantic person. Hahaha...

Anyway, it's things like these that are getting worked out in my dreams lately. I told the second guy I dated, way back in high school, that I had issues I needed to work out. And I did. I just didn't know how to work them. Eight years later I think it's finally happening. And I'm glad that it is. Go me.

Maybe there was a purpose for me moving clear across country, other than being afraid to quit my job.
posted by Nikki at 8:54 AM