Let it be known that I have a great, big headache at the moment.

Why does it seem that life is like the waves that surfers ride? It's as if the good and the bad come in sets. Maybe this is where the term "lucky streak" comes from. And I guess I'm hitting a bad set right now... Well, I wish it would stop already. (Pounding headache...)

I guess last weekend was a good set- except for the church fiasco, I was having a great time up north. Then as soon as I get home: BOOM! There's water leaking from the ceiling, the car breaks yet again, and certain people FORGET you scheduled job interviews with them. Then, you spend all day waiting for a car that was supposed to be ready in two hours, spend an indecent amount of money on trying to get yourself back into shape, and finally you're walking back and forth in Home Depot reaching that point of frustration where you just wanna forget it all and bury your head in molten lava. (At the very least, it'd make the pounding stop.)

Does anyone know a gym that actually has punching bags? Cause I have yet to find one. And I could really use one right now . Especially since I just came across my old kung-fu sparring gloves. I'm so fucking frustrated over everything right now. And I really need to let off some steam. And no, shopping, watching TV, playing piano, going out and getting fucked up, or even just getting fucked will not help. I just wanna hit something. Maybe then I can transfer the pounding onto something else besides my head.
posted by Nikki at 11:14 PM

All I can say is: Awww man...

"Of course I'm attracted to you... The problem is that I'm not ready for it. I thought that all a relationship would take was meeting the right person, but there's so much more than that." -The Broken Hearts Club

"You told me once that you were waiting for me to wake up. You didn't wait long enough. I've never been more awake than I am right now. And I admit it, I fucked up. No matter who you were, there would've always been something wrong with you and someone better out there. And I wish that I could change that, I wish that I could take back all the times that I didn't appreciate having you. But I'll tell you, right now, I loved you. I still love you. And it has nothing to do with me, it has nothing to do with how good looking he is. It has to do with you. Because you are sweet, you're endearing, and uncomplicated. And you're so beautiful. I hope that you're happy together and I hope that this works out and that he's everything that you need. Because you deserve it. But if it's not, and it ends, I'll be there. It's my turn to wait. And I'm going to wait long enough." -The Broken Hearts Club

If you know me well enough, or you just read this blogger more often than you should, you know that I have this inexplicable attraction to gay men. Don't ask. But here's a little something I came across that might explain it a bit. http://www.mountainpridemedia.org/oitm/issues/2001/feb2001/fea01_faghag.htm

posted by Nikki at 1:52 AM

Why was I just dreaming about starting my own branch of McDonald's???

CONGRATS TO RYAN AND RITCHEL!!!

I just came from the funnest wedding I've ever been to! Maybe it was the fact that the people getting married were actually friends of mine for once- and not family. Which kinda makes me feel old... eh. Haha! Anyway, the church was beautiful, her dress was BEAUTIFUL, the food at the reception was surprisingly pretty good (except for the fact that we didn't get to try the cake cause they ran out- which was okay though, cause that was probably the healthiest thing I did all weekend), the music was great (I wish my family would take note here!), and the company was even better. I was kinda worried at first that I woudn't know anyone or that the people I did know would know other people I didn't know and I'd pretty much be left out. But I'm such a worry-wart. Hehehe! Tiffany came up with me at the last minute and then of course Vernon and Patrick were there. And there was Judy, who was a great dinner companion (Vernon claims she was a bit tipsy during dinner, which is why she was so talkative :), so I was just being dumb.

I did feel incredibly incredibly guilty though, at first, so let me apologize again (Ryan) for being late!!! Damn San Francisco traffic is worse than the 405!!! According to both Vernon and my directions, it was supposed to take us 45 minutes to get to the church, which was in the city. So I figured, if we left around 11:45am we'd be able to get there a little early for a 1pm wedding. I was SO wrong. We left at 11:50am (a little late, but that still should've been okay) and got there at 1:20pm instead, which means I walked in during the gospel, which is incredibly BAD when you were supposed to do the second reading! OMG... I was freaking out in the car when the clock said 12:50 and we were still on the Bay bridge. Then at the church I didn't even want Ryan or Ritchel to see me cause I felt so guilty. But Ryan said it turned out okay... someone else covered for me (thank God!), but I still feel bad cause I really did want to do it and I REALLY hate flaking on my friends. So I understand if I'm not invited to an anniversary party (only slightly kidding here guys... :)

As for the happy couple, they're going to Tahiti for their honeymoon. Good Lord! I hope they get to see more of it than just their hotel rooms! Hehehehe... I'm so happy for Ryan. I have a great feeling about these two. You could see how perfect they are for each other just by the way they practically never left each other's side the whole day and how they would look at each other and smile and talk even when they had 300 pairs of eyes on them. Awww! Okay, enough mush. Congrats again Ryan! Hope you had a great time in Tahiti, since I'm assuming you won't be reading this till you get back to work next week!

As for San Francisco, I hope Tiffany had fun on my one-day whirlwind tour I gave her that covered the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield, a quick drive through Vallejo and Marin County (SO PRETTY!), a view of the Golden Gate bridge after a brief hike at the Presidio, a limo ride to Chinatown, lunch in Chinatown, a trek through Union Square (which included a stop at Tiffany's namesake, Tiffany's & Co. :), a cable car ride to Lombard and then Fisherman's Wharf, and finally, ice cream at Ghirardelli Square (a trip to San Francisco would never be complete without the ice cream!). Whew! Hahahaha... and then we stopped at Steffi's for a couple last hours of playtime. She is so gosh darned CUTE! I love my god-daughter! Hehehe! Wow... so as a warning to all of you, this is what you get when you come up north with me and we only have one day to sightsee! And after watching the Food Network's Best Of... last night, I promised myself that my next trip up north would be one to Napa and Napa alone! When we drove by the sign that said "Napa 20" I screamed. I SOO wanted to make another side-trip. Hahaha... next time I guess. And hopefully this time I'll have a boy with me! No offense Tiff!

Speaking of boys... the guy who worked the night shift at the front desk of the Hilton we stayed at was cute! Stupid Vernon was all "hey, you should check out the guy at the front desk. He's pretty cute. He looks like me." Well, he was cute, but he didn't look anything like Vernon! Ha! So on Friday night Tiffany and I made a stop at the front desk to see who was there, and of course, no one was. But then she RINGS the bell! So he comes out and I smile (while thinking "oh crap he is pretty hot") and ask him how to work the AC in the room. Hahaha... then he's all, "...and if you can't get it to work give me a call and I'll send someone up." Someone? ;) So for the rest of the weekend I'd sneak quick looks over... and on Saturday after coming back from a quick midnight run to Denny's, Vernon and Patrick were all teasing me bout jumping him when we walked into the lobby. So of course, I try to walk ahead of them to get to the elevators quicker- and on the way look over at him and smile- and he looks away! Dork. I could tell he was looking at me before he did, so whatever. Hehehe... too bad he wasn't there on Sunday night. I don't even know how old he is... I could've been pulling a Vernon for all I know!

Okay, I gotta go.... shoot, this is long enough- you think? Today's Tiffany's birthday so we're going out to dinner. I hope she doesn't mind not getting any presents since I spent every last dollar of cash I had during the weekend! Hehehe...

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY TIFF!
posted by Nikki at 6:06 PM

I thought feeling this way would end with graduation... I don't know what it is. I guess I'm feeling like I'm behind on life or something. There's so much shit I'm supposed to do that I either keep putting off or just don't get around to doing. And some of the stuff that's happened is making me feel like I'm flaking on my friends. At the very least, like I'm not being a good friend. I swear I don't know what it is. Ever since I was in high school it's like I've got so much crap on my plate and I can never get around to finishing everything. And no matter how much I try to give up, or pass up, there always seems to be more. I don't know whether it's because this world is just ridiculously full of possibilities or if I'm just an overachieving bastard. Or maybe both. I told Sandy that I had to quit working for her because I wanted more time to do other things. But as soon as I quit it seemed like I was doing the same old thing and wondering how I ever found time to work for her in the first place. The same thing happened with skating and kung-fu and piano. I guess I really could be like Will Freeman. I don't need a job to find purpose in life. Hell, I don't even really need a life. Because somehow, there's always something I need to do, or somewhere I need to be, or someone I need to meet up with. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself. And maybe this is just my way of making myself feel like I'm wanted. I've always been a loner at heart. I guess it comes with only-child territory. I love spending time by myself. Even just a few hours feels like a vacation to me. Because every other minute of the day it's like I'm doing something for someone else. Or to make someone else proud. Or happy. Or even just doing a friend a favor. I've said it before, but I've never actually followed up on it. I need to learn how to say "no." Even though I can be the most selfish bitch you've ever met, and probably am a little bit at heart, I will always live my life for other people. Even if it's just so that I can make myself feel good for doing it. See, there really is no such thing as true philanthropy.

It's weird how a phone call to an old friend can make you feel like you've gone back eight years. As soon as he said "hello" I immediately felt like I was back in high school and we were about to have one of our marathon six hour chats. Only this time it was fifteen minutes and just for me to say happy birthday with the five minutes left in the day. And then you're reminded of the differences between now and then. Back then, I probably would've done almost anything for him. That's what you do for a friend. Now, it's as if I barely know him anymore. The consequences of getting older and growing apart.

Even though it feels like I don't have that many friends, when I think about it, I actually do. And it's a great thing. I never knew I could be or expected to be this lucky. But sometimes it can feel like you're being overloaded. Every weekend, or almost every day even, there's somewhere to be. And you feel obligated to go. Or hell, you just wanna go. But at the end of the month, you're worn out and you just wanna get away from it all. Not very many people can understand how I can spend so much time with myself. How I don't mind taking in a movie alone. Or driving up to a secluded beach and looking at the stars on my own. Or how I wouldn't even mind driving up north for a weekend alone. It's like time to recharge and think about my life. About what I've been doing and what I should be doing. And even more important, what I want to be doing. Even though I always do what I "want" I don't think I really do. I always do what I feel like doing on the spur of the moment. Or what my friends invite me to do on the spur of the moment. Not only that, the freedom of being on your own and having to answer to no one but you is exhilarating. But rarely do I ever do what I really just want to do. That's what snowboarding is for me. That's what Hawai'i was for me. That's actually what going to UCLA was for me. I think choosing UCLA was the first thing I ever did for myself. Of course, my parents were happy because it was the closest school I applied to that met their standards, but I didn't even care about that. It was what I wanted to do. No matter how spoiled and bratty and selfish I was growing up, everything I did I always did for other people. Even if it was just to get their attention. Usually it was my parents. But at times it was for my peers at school or my teachers or my cousins, etc. Even getting good grades was all for my parents until my last year of high school. I didn't care about that, they did.

But in the end, you have to do what makes you happy. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so down lately. Being involved in PCN at school and getting my butt to graduation was what made me happy, no matter how much stress it caused. But now that I've graduated I don't know what I want to do. The last few weeks have been like I just put my life on hold. It was time to catch up on doing nothing. Which is something I haven't gotten to do since I can't remember when. And somehow in that time, I got behind on life. I guess it's time to get back to the real world, no matter how much I don't feel prepared to.

Sometimes (okay, all the time) I wish I had tons of money at my fingertips so that I'd be able to do everything I want to that didn't involve having to earn the money to do it. I guess after having read as many books as I have I consider this world a very small place. Hell, if it weren't physically impossible to go that far, I'd even consider our galaxy a pretty small place. (Too much Star Trek and Star Wars...) So to me, going to the other side of the globe doesn't seem like a big deal- until you factor in the money. But shoot, it shouldn't even be a big deal. For some reason, in my mind, I don't think it should cost people an arm and a leg just to see the length of this world we live on. It's a SMALL world. Ask anyone who looks up at the sky for a living. It's too small for us to have to care about money and religious conflicts and all the other things that make us the "primitive" people we are. Sometimes humans just make me so angry. Why can't we just get over ourselves and get on with our lives? There's so much more out there than who slept with who last week and what you're going to wear to the party on Saturday and what your ancestors did to my ancestors and shit like that. I don't know. I guess sometimes I feel like I was made to exist in a different universe. Sounds crazy huh? Maybe I am, but I don't really give a damn. So I guess I'll go and spend the next seventy years trying to figure out how to fit into this one.
posted by Nikki at 11:55 PM

Last one. I swear.

Are you Millionaire Material?
Ever thought about buying an SUV and joining a tennis club? You should, because you were made for the elite. We can tell that you enjoy many of the finer things in life, but for some reason you just can't make the leap to "millionaire material." Sure, that's a step down from the top of the money pile, but it's probably all for the best. Why? Perhaps because, when it comes down to it, you enjoy fun more than money. Cash is all well and good, and we can tell that you're pretty good at saving your dough when you put your mind to it, but you'd rather spend time outdoors, hang out with friends, or plan your next big trip than drool over your bank balance. After all, what's money for if you can't enjoy it?

posted by Nikki at 4:04 AM

My sexual personality is Phi-ELDN-9.

Your sexual personality is determined by your sexual persona (Phi), 4 sexual scales (Emotional/Physical, Look/Touch, Daring/Modest, Verbal/Non-verbal), and your libido score (9).
As a Phi, you have a good sense of yourself and your sexuality. You know how to turn on the sex appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair amount of confidence when it comes to your sexual performance.

Hmmm... heh. I really need to get to sleep.
posted by Nikki at 3:58 AM

Career personality type: INFJ

That means that based on the standard measure of personality traits, you have strong communication skills and interact well with people. Your warm personality helps create an encouraging work atmosphere that allows you to forge deep personal connections with others. You dislike office politics and try not to get involved in the murk. Instead, you rise above it all with your understanding nature.

You have a sense of maturity that others respect and strive to emulate. Although you can work well alone, you are happiest balancing independent work with team interaction. You are well organized and are a strong multi-tasker.

The reason employers and recruiters might be on the lookout for you is that only about 2-3% of the U.S. population shares the unique characteristics of your personality type. Research shows that businesses succeed when employers create a good balance of personality types in the office. And since only 2-3% of the U.S. population shares your type, that means employers are looking for you. (So why am I not getting hired then, huh?)

posted by Nikki at 3:43 AM

Reminder to self: "Part of being an adult is knowing which opportunity doors to close and which to keep open. Making choices can be difficult, and there are no guarantees. But not making choices and saddling yourself with indecision is no picnic." -Emode.com

They've got these self-discovery tests down pretty good I'd say...

Based on the way you answered the test questions, your primary personality type is Analytical, while your secondary personality type is Creative.

As an Analytical type, your inquisitive nature helps you enjoy the complexities of life. You understand that sometimes there are no clear right and wrong answers, and that's okay with you because you tolerate gray areas better than most. In fact, pondering potential outcomes can sometimes be more interesting than coming up with the definitive solution for you. You march to your own drum and enjoy being in charge more than working and compromising with others. Nothing escapes your keen observational skills, and thinking is your idea of fun. (This, by the way, is the nicer way to state my opinion that I'm lazy and am too scared to create high goals for myself. Oh yeah, and I like to be alone a lot.)

As a Creative type, your ability to look at the world with a fresh perspective keeps life interesting for you and those around you. Instead of following the trends, you want to set them yourself. Establishing a routine is not your goal; you would rather go with the flow and see where your mood takes you that day. You love seeking new experiences and sensations. Your sensitive nature is often turned inward, but your passionate nature also means that you are prone to be impulsive at times. (Only "at times"? Hahaha!)

They say the first step to knowing what you want is figuring out who you are... Shit. That means I'll be at retirement age before I know what I want.
posted by Nikki at 3:34 AM

Okay, get this... There's four parts to this IQ test I took: mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic, and logical. And guess what. I got in the 90-100 percentile for all three EXCEPT linguistic! For which I was in the 60-70 percentile! Now... didn't I just graduate with a degree in Linguistics & Anthropology from UCLA??? What is that supposed to say about how I spent the last five years of my life???!!! And I took linguistics cause it was easier than, say, MATH. Eh???? I'm so confused.
posted by Nikki at 2:49 AM

Ohmygod... It's 2am and I need to wake up early and I still need to do all this crap and I'm on here blogging...

And then I just took a supposedly scientific IQ test... for which I'm waiting for the results... and it is now 2:24am...

I just read one of the best books! It's called The Autobiography of Vivian and it's about this girl who moved from Pennsylvania to New York after college and how she made out. It's pretty cool. I think I can relate since I'm pretty much starting that phase of my life right now. I can only hope that I do as well in the career department and MUCH better in the relationship department! She's also got a website, that's sorta like mine, but more involved and a little bit less personal. Well, shoot, if I had as many hits as her site does I'd be a lot less personal than she is anyway! Go to www.vivianlives.com to check out her site. It's pretty cool... I think I just found myself a new bulletin board! *Gasp* Yes, this book and this site are the reasons why I'm up so late online and haven't gotten anything practical done today except buy Ryan's wedding gift! (Yes Ryan, I bought your gift today! Well, part of it at least! ;)

Okay, the results are in... I have an IQ of 127. Is that good or bad? Hahahaha... I'm supposedly a visual mathematician. I "have a strong ability to process visual-spatial and mathematical information." I guess that's pretty true... Now they want me to buy the whole report for $14.95. Dare I say yes???
posted by Nikki at 2:27 AM

What kind of book has you singing gum commercial jingles, thinking bout smooching on front doorsteps, while eating a late lunch??
posted by Nikki at 3:00 PM

Living your life vicariously through books can be fun, but incredibly sad at the same time.
posted by Nikki at 2:09 PM

Unplanned trips to California Adventure are always fun! Hahaha... I played Who Wants to Be A Millionaire with Bubbles THREE times today. Hehehe... We really wanna win that trip to New York! The cool thing was that on every game we got on the top ten list. I even got to NUMBER ONE on the list at one point! Too bad they didn't need a new person in the hot seat at that time. I would've sucked anyway... Hahaha!

Wow... it's been a long day. I'm going to lie in bed now. =)
posted by Nikki at 2:25 AM

Awww... Amelie...
posted by Nikki at 1:47 AM

I think I'm becoming a posting maniac...

Okay, here're my comments on that really long article I just posted...

There's a lot of stereotypes stated in the article. But I find it funny, because I think there's some truth to it. First, there are the facts. More women are graduating with bachelor's degrees than men. Etc, etc. So it's probably true that in the next decade or so people (ie. me) will be faced with a less than satisfactory pool of potential mates. Which means that I'd better get a move on! J/K! Hehehe... Anyway, I'm not sure if I agree with their reasoning for why this is all happening, but I can see why they felt necessary to mention this trend on ABCNews.com. Because I'm sure there are lots of men in that newsroom going, "Yay! More for me! But wait, does that mean I'm stupid?" Or something to that effect at least. And I'm sure the woman who wrote this article was like, "Hell yah! Women rock! But wait, I better snatch up my educated man quick or else I'm gonna miss out." Yadda yadda yadda... Unless she's gay, of course. Then I'm sure she had a great time writing this article. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is what's the big deal? The girl who "pooh poohed" on the subject was right. No one made a big deal when men were consistently the "bread-winners" of the family. Now that things are turning around it's like a national crisis or something. Whatever.
posted by Nikki at 11:23 PM

Dang... I've got a major headache right now...

I've discovered a great, new show. Queer As Folk. Forget all those stupid daytime soaps. It's all about Showtime's gay version of MTV's Undressed. Hahaha!

Owww... can't laugh too hard. It hurts. Heh.

Oh good Lord... check out this article I just found from ABCNews.com... (Go here to see the actual article.)

No More Big Man on Campus?
College Gender Gap Could Mean Women Lose Mating Game

By Geraldine Sealey
Women outnumber men on college campuses, leading some experts to worry that educated females will flunk out when it comes to finding a successful husband.

July 18
— Sure, it's the 21st century and all, but many single, professional women of a certain age still sweat over the lethal mix of a dearth of educated, successful bachelors and the cruel march of Father Time.

Believe it or not, ladies, the situation appears to be getting bleaker.
Women now comprise 57 percent of all college graduates in the United States. Among Hispanics, the gender gap is even greater — only 40 percent of college graduates are male. Among blacks, two women earn bachelor's degrees for every man.

Some demographers and labor studies experts fear this trend portends ominously for the mating game. American men are becoming less literate, less ambitious, less responsible, and less employable than women, they say.(Emphasis added) This can only mean bad things, the argument goes, for high-achieving women who want husbands who, say, contribute to society, hold their own in conversation and pay their own way.

Andrew Sum, an economist with the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University, calls this effect the "marriage squeeze."

"The choices for younger women will be more constrained than they were 20 years ago," he said. "This is a serious economic and cultural problem. Men are less mature today than they were 20 years ago. Not everyone will agree with me, but the evidence supports that."

Women Mature Faster

Sum's research shows that an average of 62 percent of women in Massachusetts' large central and inner cities graduate from high school and enroll in college, compared to 48 percent of men. His data also reflect the education gender gap's impact on marriage, he said. An estimated 59 percent of men with only high school diplomas were married compared to 75 percent of men with Master's degrees or better, Sum said.

Nationwide during the last two decades, women have increasingly earned greater numbers of associate's, bachelor's, and master's degrees than men. There is no state in America where men can claim more bachelor's degrees than women.

Explanations abound for why women are more likely to enroll in and graduate from college. Educators say that in general, women are more prepared as students, more mature, better writers and readers, and more ambitious.

"Women may feel they have to try harder," said Stephanie Coontz, a family researcher and co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families.

Indeed, there has been much public debate recently about the plight of successful women looking for mates and families. Perhaps most notably, Sylvia Ann Hewlett raised a ruckus with her book Creating a Life about professional women's often quixotic quest for children, which made 60 Minutes and the cover of Time magazine.

Must Women Go Slummin'?

The academic gender gap shows no sign of abating, which means women may have to start waiting even longer to marry, or they may have to consider "marrying down."

Traditionally, men have been more likely to marry women with less earning potential and professional stature, although that trend is shifting. Women have been more likely to pair up with partners who have at least as much academic achievement — 80 percent of women with bachelor's degrees marry men who also graduated from college.

Not all experts see trouble ahead, of course. Many see the trend as a reassuring development for women, and for men, eager to break out of traditional marriage roles.

Kathleen Gerson, a New York University sociologist studying work and family attitudes of the 18-to-30 crowd, pooh-poohs the notion that less educated men herald the apocalypse for heterosexual couples.

"When men outnumbered women [in college], it didn't seem like a social crisis," she said.

If women are less dependent on men for financial support, couples can make more honest decisions about being together, says Coontz, who's writing a book on the history of marriage.

"It's not a sign of disaster, but a sign that people are able to develop more true free choice and are willing to do so," she said. "This is a good example of the fact that marriage is more of a choice than it's ever been."

Put less delicately, the concept of the marriage squeeze is a lot of "hooha" about nothing, says Carl E. Van Horn, a professor of public policy and director of the John J. Heldrich Center for Workforce Development at Rutgers University.

Resourceful Women More Attractive Mates

"It's not like there are no men graduating from college," Van Horn said. "It's not a big enough change that it's so noticeable."

In fact, much research shows that women, just like men, are more likely to be married if they have greater educational attainment and more earning power, says Scott Coltrane, a senior scholar with the Center on Contemporary Families.

Economic equality also translates to more equality in marriage, Coltrane said. "When women have more resources, couples tend to make decisions that end up sharing more," he said.

"I don't see the institution of marriage being in any trouble. It's a different vision of marriage. Marriage will be helped by equality of men and women in the workplace."

Of course, even though women are getting more college and professional degrees and are improving their own earning potential, it remains to be seen whether they can bust through the corporate "glass ceiling" that still marginalizes them in executive suites.

If women are to translate their educational achievement into true earning power and professional stature, corporate America will also have to change, some experts say.

"[Women] still face inflexible workplace structures and job opportunities that are gender-biased and biased against parents," Gerson said.

Genie Out of the Bottle

Despite these arguments, Sum sticks to his theory that less educated men comprise a social, economic and marital drain. And, he said, if you ask young women, they'd back him up.

"Many women perceive this problem to be real," he said. "It is not our imagination."

The college gender gap damages young men even more, Sum said. Men not only lag behind female students but lack many of the directed mentoring opportunities designed to encourage professional development after college.

Surely, scholars may disagree on whether the economic deficiency of men is a social plague or a potential leveler of restrictive gender roles. But, Coltrane said: "There's no putting the genie back in the bottle. There's no way to reverse this trend over the next few decades."
posted by Nikki at 11:08 PM

Hottest sex scene ever: Brian and Justin. Episode 1, Season 1- Queer As Folk.

Funniest quote: "... I'd rather my flame burn bright, than be some puny little pilot light." -Emmet. Episode 2, Season 1, Queer As Folk. Hehehehehe...
posted by Nikki at 10:57 PM

I am 30% Tortured Artist

I have some artistic ability, but it is probably a hobby and doesn't drive my life into a dark abysmal hole were I am alone and against the world.
Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com

I just can't help myself...
posted by Nikki at 1:40 AM

I am 46% Internet Addict

I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com

Hmmm...
posted by Nikki at 1:23 AM

Ohmygod... I was staring at this window for like a minute without really know what to do with it. Kinda scary... I think I've spent way too much time in the world of Jason Bourne. For any of you who's seen the movie... you've seen nothing till you've read the book. THE MOVIE HAS PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BOOK. Even though I know it's not the greatest movie of all time, I fell in love with The Bourne Identity the first time I saw it. I think at first it was because, hey, it's Matt Damon. =) And second, cause it's a story that all of us can relate to. I mean, isn't everyone searching for who they really are? And third, who doesn't wanna wake up one day and realize they have all these rare talents? Of course, if you also find out you're an assassin then that's not so great, but you know what I mean.

Earlier I was thinking that something is the ulitmate paradox. But now I can't think of what that thing was... Geez. I'm getting old and senile already?

I finally got DSL. Then I started downloading all this crap and my connection keeps going in and out. I think I'm overloading my poor computer.

Oh man... I'm out of school and I've got too much to think about again. I really need to get to bed... I'll write more later...
posted by Nikki at 1:14 AM

Uh oh... I think I killed the McAfee download by using too much internet stuff... Hahaha...

I love the internet! This nasty rdxr020305.dat file kept popping up on my desktop for the last few months and I could never figure out why or where it came from or what it did. So smart me just realized I could probably look it up online. Turns out a Google search showed that it was spyware! GRRRR!!! I hate it when people do that. It most likely came from the new preview version of Morpheus that I downloaded at the beginning of the year. So much for the "spyware free" claim. So just FYI if you do a file search and see "bpboh.dll" (usually in your C:\Windows file) delete it! Unless you don't mind companies taking a look into what you look at. Here's more info found at http://www.tek-tips.com/gviewthread.cfm/pid/779/qid/237209...

Morpheus using new address intercept tool

Some users of the popular Morpheus music sharing program are angry over a browser extension program distributed with the latest preview version of the software. The program, developed by Wurld Media and included with the Morpheus Preview Edition, silently intercepts certain addresses typed by Morpheus users into Microsoft's Internet Explorer (IE) browser before redirecting them to their final destination, Newsbytes has confirmed. The file, which is named bpboh.dll, uses a technology developed by Microsoft known as a browser helper object (BHO). According to an article at Microsoft's site, BHOs are "a relatively new and powerful way of injecting your code directly inside the browser's address space." When installed by Morpheus, the Wurld Media BHO causes addresses including radioshack.com, ebay.com, amazon.com, and toysrus.com, among others, to be intercepted and redirected to the shopping sites through affiliate marketing systems run by LinkShare Corp. and Be Free, Inc. The presence of Wurld Media's BHO technology in Morpheus was reported earlier this month in an Internet newsgroup for the discussion of peer-to-peer file exchange technology. "I was obviously aware that (Morpheus is) ad-supported, but I suspect a lot of folk didn't realise it was done this way ... Bunging DLLs into IE itself seems a bit sneaky/unnecessary," wrote one newsgroup participant on Mar. 16. The Wurld Media BHO operates in IE even when the Morpheus application is not running. In Newsbytes testing, uninstalling Morpheus appeared to remove the Wurld Media BHO. (Incorrect, according to reports from divideBYzero and as Speedy 3D reports "it does not come off after one uninstalls Morpheus either"). According to Microsoft's support site, browser helper objects can be disabled within IE from the Internet Options section of the browser's Tools menu. By clicking on the Advanced tab and unchecking the box that says "Enable third-party browser extensions," the browser helper objects will be disabled at the next restart, Microsoft said. Otherwise, read the additional info in the "read more" part of this posting for complete details on how to get rid of this "pest"!

posted by Nikki at 10:11 PM

I'm fute.

Mild congratulations, you are...
67%
dateable! You are neither more not less dateable than your peers-- welcome to the land of mediocrity, home of the masses! You have an undeniable animal magnetism, but you're just as likely to attract small animals as you are to attract human beings. Nevertheless, the people you flirt with generally find you funny and cute, or "fute." You have good hygiene, which is an imporant aspect of relationships involving two or more people. Avoid seafood and walks in the woods.


I want the Josie and the Pussycats DVD and soundtrack...
posted by Nikki at 3:29 PM

I saw Topanga last night at 3rd Street! I mean... Danielle Fisher from Boy Meets World. At least, I'm pretty sure it was her... with the long hair and big mouth. She looked pretty skinny. She always looked slightly chubby on the show. But then... it's been over for how long now? Anyway, it looked like she was on a date with some guy who had curly brown hair and wasn't Ben Savage. Hehehe...

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY BERNIE!

Bernie got toe up last night. And her brother paid for dinner for like 12 people at Sushi Roku in Santa Monica. Crazy! I didn't even know she had a brother! But she said it was cool cause he makes like six figures. Dang! By the time we left the restaurant to head over to Gotham (where we had our own ROOM for her party!) she'd already had two apple martinis and two saki bombs. Then she had a Sex on the Beach while we were waiting for the club to open. After that I lost count... I'm pretty sure she had at least 10 drinks. But I do know she had something called a Purple Hooter that was REALLY good! It had chambord in it. Haha... And then Rachel was there and she was telling me how she was at some greek party with Ryan her freshman year and something bout what happened there... Cause Annalisa was freaking Bernie on the couch cause Bernie wouldn't get up to dance (she was WAY too drunk). And Rachel and Stevie kept being perverted to each other... Stevie got really drunk too. Then Anton and Stevie were freaking each other... I've got some weird friends. Hahaha! Stevie's funny when he's drunk. And why is it that every time I see Tammy at a club she always makes friends with the bartender?? Hahahaha! And Rocelle and I kept taking pics of Bernie with her new camera (a present from her brother). She's gonna love those pictures when she gets them developed... LOL!

Personal alcohol count: Three sips of Sapporo beer and three sips of saki at the restaurant; one Skyy Blue, half an apple martini, and four sips of other people's drinks at the club. Not bad I'd say... Geez... Hahaha.

It was kinda weird/funny... One of Bernie's co-workers came to dinner and brought her roomie with her, who asked us if we all went to school together... To which we all just kinda looked at each other and nodded our heads. And then I looked around the table and I was like... Well, I never actually went to school with Roger and Lars and Susan. And everyone at this table has graduated already except James. Then at the club Rachel turns to me and she's all, "It's funny that we all know each other because of this thing called choral." Which is SOOO true! We're like the most random group of people. But we all know each other cause of choral. Kinda cool huh?

Okay, Josie and the Pussycats are on Starz now... so I gotta go watch! =)
posted by Nikki at 3:14 PM

Wow... occupying a fitting room at the same time as a freaking MODEL does NOT increase your self-esteem. Especially when she comes out wearing the exact same top you tried on, except that it looks about 200 times better on her than you. AND she fit into the matching skirt... which they didn't even have in your size to begin with...

And then she's like an attention whore...

And she's got her poor younger brother sitting on the "men's waiting lounger" outside the fitting rooms, where she "models" her clothes for him. If he hadn't been so young I wouldn't have felt as sorry for him...

And if she were my friend I probably would've thought all that was funny. But it wasn't. Cause she ain't no friend of mine. Blech.


I spent more leisure time in Westwood today than I have since freshman year. Shopping spree highlights:
Best Buy
Victoria's Secret (Ooooh... low-rise panties!)
Boba World (Lychee boba is not that great.)
Radio Shack (Did you know that there's such a thing as wireless phone jacks???)
Home Depot EXPO (Lookin' for a ceilin' fan. :)
Then I went to 3rd Street...
Burke Williams
Victoria's Secret (Again! I had to exchange something... uh huh...)
Shiseido Studio (That was fun!!! Free facial!)
Robinson's-May (Where I didn't buy anything!)
Limited (Where I had my encounter with stupid Ms. MODEL. No, I'm not jealous...)
Mrs. Field's (YUM!)
Then I started on my way home...
McDonald's (Where some homeless teenagers asked me for money... I felt sad. They had holes in their clothes. I wanted to give them my cookies, but they were in my car. Makes me wonder why they're homeless in the first place... Did they run away? Or was their home that shitty? Or was there something else...?)
In Cerritos...
BIG 5 (I've decided to buy a Razor. I'm a sheep. Baaaa!)
Robinson's-May (Again! And this time I did buy somethings...)
Target (Bought Bernie's b-day gift! Heh. A Walk To Remember came out today too...)
Home Depot (Where I RETURNED something.)
Blockbuster (Rented Royal Tennenbaums, 54, and Sex, Lies, and Videotape.)

I'll post tomorrow's shopping spree highlights when I get home tomorrow night...
I'm off to watch a DVD. Hee!
posted by Nikki at 1:15 AM

Got DirecTV!!! Weeeeeee! Just try and make me leave my room now! Oh wait... there's still DSL to come. Ohmygosh...
posted by Nikki at 2:20 AM

I just got a job that I don't know if I want... Blech. Would it be bad if I were to keep it until I get a better job offer- which will hopefully be in like two weeks...? Even if I'm supposed to start this Thursday for training...? Argh. I dunno what to do...
posted by Nikki at 6:04 PM

Greedy Animal! You are...
56% greedy!

In addition, we have determined that for a small bribe of 159 bucks, you'd spread a jar mayonnaise in your underwear and wear it for a month straight.
Good luck with your future life.

Of the 1,652,577 test takers so far:
5% are as greedy as you.
28% are greedier than you.
67% are less greedy than you.
posted by Nikki at 2:34 AM

Furniture building/moving is a dangerous business. I've got the scratches, cuts, and bruises to prove it. Did you know that furniture can even draw blood?

Rhetorical question of the day: Why live in the real world when you can be rich, successful, and popular in your fantasy world?
Rebuttle: Who knows what's really real? Reality is all based on perception anyway. Remember the matrix?

KILL THE ANTS! KILL THE ANTS!! KILL THE ANTS!!!

I've gotten into this watch the movie, read the book sort of phase. I'm now working on About A Boy, which so far is proving to be pretty true to the movie. My next book is The Bourne Identity. I can't wait to use my imagination on Matt Damon's body while reading that one...!

I still have SOOO much left to do for my room... like all of the bathroom and my closet (which recently suffered a broken rod- guess I have too many clothes... you think? Hahaha!) Then there's all the putting away of stuff... and the whole window-wall section of my room to redo... Sheesh. Who needs a real job? I should be getting paid for this.

I don't get it! Where are these stupid ants coming from??? They just magically appear out of thin air on my desk! Damnit.. now I'm gonna have to move my bed over away from my desk more so they don't start crawling on there too...

My family has never been the most communicative family. Which makes me a very bad communicator when it comes to dealing with problems. Which is bad because then I just sort of ignore them until they "go away." Which has worked, to a point, until recently. I guess people make concessions for kids. Which means now I have to learn to confront all this stupid family drama that's going on, all because someone lied when they never needed to. I swear, I don't think anyone's ever lied to me like that before. I don't understand why you'd lie to your family and your friend of five years over a boyfriend of a year. It's just plain stupid. I'm mad that she feels she needs to lie to us for him. And I'm even more mad that he "let" (or made) her do it. If he really loves her, which he supposedly says he does, then he shouldn't be encouraging her to alienate herself from her friends and family. What's sad is that it may have caused her a friendship. We're family, so we're pretty much stuck with each other. But someone else isn't, so it really sucks for them. Ugh... I don't wanna talk bout this anymore...
posted by Nikki at 1:48 AM

Why is it that the corniest, cheesiest Tagalog movies can always make me cry? And I don't even understand half of what they're saying!

Post-graduation life... what to do with myself...?
posted by Nikki at 10:39 PM

So I'm finally completely moved out of my apt. WAAAAHHH!!! Although, I'm still not completely moved into my parent's place. I've still got two bags of groceries in Tracy's fridge. Sorry Trace! And all my crap is now lining the hallways of my parent's house... And spilling into the lving room and garage and family room and dining room and kitchen... Not to mention all the stuff that's still out of place in my room...

Drama is crazy shit... I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.

I need to stop having infatuations over nice boys that I know it won't work out with in the end.

I also need to fucking go to sleep. It's late. Or should I say early?
posted by Nikki at 5:14 AM