It rained this morning...?...!

Someone overdid their rain dance, because I also heard talk of snow on Monday.

It's actually cold, cloudy and windy outside. Yay for cold and clouds. Boo on wind.

I'm still crying over Lake Arrohead. =(


Tonight is Shipwreck at the Queen Mary. It's (insert profanity here) $26! And when I actually crossed the picket line at Ralph's to look for the $5 off coupon THEY DIDN'T HAVE IT! Bastards. False advertising. They deserve to have their employees on strike.

Insert... I just had a ten minute phone conversation about the weather with someone I've never spoken to before.
posted by Nikki at 4:52 PM

We had our first clear day in a long time at work today. I could actually see all the way out to the smokestack in Huntington Beach. And I could breathe. But then with the good news comes the bad... Lake Arrowhead is gone. =( That news was so depressing. Lake Arrowhead is like my utopia. It's where I always dreamed I could one day live. The only time I was out there was in seventh grade, but I fell in love with the trees and the lake and the ice rinks and the town. I even wanted to go to Rim of the World high school. I mean, how great would it be to go to a school that's on the Rim of the World? One of the things that struck me even more was that I saw an OBSERVATORY on top of some random person's house. Can you believe that?? It was like Lake Arrowhead had everything I ever wanted when I was younger. It's like my version of Everwood. I just can't believe it's all gone...
posted by Nikki at 10:08 PM

I had a headache to begin with. Now my eyes hurt because of ant spray. Ants must all implode. I hate ants.

These fires are really making me sad. Some of these stories they have posted on latimes.com make you wonder whether you're reading about a movie or real life. I mean, can you imagine burning to death? What a horrible way to die. It's so morbid, but I really hope those people died of asphyxiation before they burned.

Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick. This ant spray is really getting to me now.
posted by Nikki at 11:17 PM

I'm so sappy, but I think this is one of the best songs your significant other could sing to you (just so long as they mean it!):

Crash And Burn
-Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please, to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

posted by Nikki at 1:05 PM

I need to stop reading about the fires. It's so sad. I thought I'd be able to get a bunch of work done now, since Kathy left this morning for Chicago, but all I've done is sit and read for the last two hours. What would you take if you had ten minutes to get out of your house? What would you do if your only way out was blocked by fire? It's crazy that people today have to worry about these things.
posted by Nikki at 12:05 PM

Man, I have no mouse. Do you know how many links you have to tab through to get to where you want on a website? I never really though about how many links there are on just one page... Sheesh!

On a more jubliant, giddy note: my new computer is set up!!!! Most of the hardware is all set, now I gotta get cracking on the software. =) This is SOOO much fun! This thing is crazy... do you know what computers can do these days? Geez. I don't even need a VCR or TiVO with this thing. It's wonderful!

All these new couples are really making me wonder why it's so easy for some people to be in a relationship and why it's so hard for others... Eck.

Fire fire fire... Everwhere there's fire! We're burning to the north, south, and east. The only reason we're not burning to the west is cause water doesn't catch fire! Geez... Watch, next is an earthquake...

Yay! My cordless mouse is finally charged! And it works so well!!!

I'm happy.
posted by Nikki at 10:59 PM

My desk is all set up and waiting for its new computer. I think this desk is clean for the first time since I moved in.

I've been feeling so lethargic lately. I just want to sit around and do nothing. It's weird. I'm usually the one who always finds something to do- or creates something to do. Recently, I haven't wanted to do anything new or old. It's a very disconcerting feeling.

I want to feel passion again.

These fires are very scary things. It seems like all of SoCal is gonna be on fire soon. I can't even go outside without feeling like I'm gonna choke on smoke- and I live at least 40 miles from any of the fires.

I'm still marveling at the cleanliness of my desk...
posted by Nikki at 10:23 PM

All ants must die. I want to see them implode.

Wal-Mart employees are stupid. And Wal-Mart shoppers are rude. I hate Wal-Mart.

This morning sucked to high hell. Whatever fire is burning and leaving ash all over my car needs to come here and burn Buena Park to the ground.
posted by Nikki at 11:42 AM

MY COMPUTER IS ON IT'S WAY!!! =)

I love swing dancing.

My guest book is now fixed. So for all of you who dare come in and read, but don't sign, now you have no excuse!
posted by Nikki at 12:36 AM

I need this: Take Back Your Time Day.

My goddaughter is the smartest two year old on the planet. I swear she's like an old woman trapped in a baby's body. She in no way acts like she just turned two. She's amazing. Happy 2nd Birthday Steffie!!!

I am so incredibly tired and yet I haven't had one good night's sleep in over a week. I keep having these disturbing dreams. They're not recurring dreams and they're not all nightmares, they just all leave me with this weird icky feeling when I wake up in the morning. And I also wake up feeling like I only got two hours of sleep instead of seven. I think I need to drug myself to sleep. The only problem is that there are only two drugs I know of that will actually put me to sleep: Benadryl and Vicodin. And I can't take Benadryl because I've got this damn cold coming on and Bendaryl will only make it worse. And I really shouldn't take Vicodin because, duh, that's just plain wrong. Besides the fact that I keep a bottle of the stuff in my medicine cabinet... Yeah. Grrrr. I just need someone to knock me out.

Oh. And one last thing. I'd forgotten how much I hate LA traffic. Did you know that it takes just as long to get from Santa Barbara to Thousand Oaks as it does from Thousand Oaks to Glendale? Our timetable today: We left Atascadero at 4:30pm. We passed through Santa Maria around 5:15pm. We passed through Santa Barbara at around 6:15pm and got stuck in about two miles' worth of traffic. We passed through Camarillo just before 7:00pm. At 7:10pm we came to a dead stop as soon as we passed over the hill into Thousand Oaks. At 8:10pm we finally arrived in Glendale. How incredibly wrong does that sound to you? But we did manage to find out one thing: if there is absolutely no traffic, you can drive from Glendale to Atascadero in a little over two and a half hours. =)
posted by Nikki at 11:05 PM

Ugh. Why are relationships always so complicated? It's so messed up! I mean, the perfect example is Amy and Ephram in Everwood. What the hell??? And why is it that I can relate? Gross.

You wanna confess something? Here's a great site for you: grouphug.us.
posted by Nikki at 10:03 PM

What's that phrase again... hanging by a thread...?

There are times when you just miss things that you used to have. Not material things, but people and relationships and the feelings that came with them. Sometimes I feel like a Sim character, just keeping in touch with certain people in order to keep my "social" and "friendship" bars up. Because talking to some people that you haven't spoken to in a while is a thing that you do to keep that thread of hope alive, just in case you need that relationship somewhere down the road. And not because you miss hanging out with the person or even because you like them that much, but just because they may come in handy someday. Those aren't the kind of relationships I want in my life.

I'm really starting to wonder if I've got a hormone imbalance... because these mood swings seem to be way more pronounced now than they used to be.

And I think I'm starting to get sick...

It's funny how, when a person reads, they interpret things in a tone that coincides with their current feelings. Because I know I can go back and read posts that I wrote when I was in a particularly deep funk, but they don't seem as bad as they were meant to be when I wrote them. And I know people can read these posts, as well, and interpret them in the exact opposite way from how they were meant to be. I guess it takes someone who knows you well enough to be able to read your writings correctly. It's no wonder we can always b.s. when writing an English paper. Unless you knew the person, you'd have no clue as to what they were truly writing about.
posted by Nikki at 10:05 PM

Why am I always disappointed when it comes to things that involve my parents? I spent all of today and half of yesterday looking forward to having GOOD sushi with my parents for dinner tonight. So much so that I gave up having Japanese food for lunch today, because I figured I'd be having the good stuff tonight. I even knew exactly what I was going to order.

Instead, when I get home, I'm told that my dad wants to go to this sushi place that's "so good, he and his boss drive there for lunch during the week." What do we find when we get there? A place called Teriyaki Hut that has pictures of it's food on the wall. But then I figured, give it a chance, it might actually be good. I shouldn't have bothered. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad food. But it also wasn't anywhere near good food. It's the kind of food you eat when you're in a hurry and don't want to spend a lot of money and don't know of any other good place in town. And to top it off, when I ordered their red bean ice cream what I got was this hot pink slab of stuff that was chewy and tasted like it had sat in their freezer for the past year. I was so disappointed and frustrated all the way home that I literally had to hold my hands together to stop myself from either screaming at the top of my lungs or jumping out of the car while we drove 50 mph down the street. And really, I wanted out of that car so much that I didn't care if I got run over by another car as I did it. And then when I was told that we were stopping by Home Depot on the way home the only thing I could think of was sitting in the middle of a Home Depot aisle and taking a drill and running it through my wrists.

I think I have a chemical imbalance.
posted by Nikki at 8:31 PM

Don't you hate it when you accidentally turn off your alarm clock, instead of pressing snooze? And then, don't you hate it even more when you accidentally change the time on your alarm clock, while pressing snooze? I do. It would explain why I suddenly woke up to find my clock saying 8:25am and why after taking a shower, changing, and running to my car the clock in my car said 8:23am...

And then bear in mind that I'm supposed to open the office at 8:30am...

I'm tired. my bed is full of clothes again. Argh. I think I might sleep in the guest room...

Where is my computer??? I want my new computer!

Getting over someone is completely different from just not thinking about them for a while. Why do feelings have to be so complex? I think I need closure.
posted by Nikki at 10:40 PM

Reading about the different types of headaches almost gives you a headache... but I think what I get are either menstrual migraines or extremely bad tension headaches. But it seems more like migraines, according to the symptoms I read about... throbbing at the temples and back of the head, usually on one side only, sensitivity to light and loud noises... Yeah, that's it. Ow.

The new Christina Aguilera album is actually pretty good. Surprise surprise... I might like it better than Britney's. Doh...

Oops. Maybe I should get back to work... Hahahaha...
posted by Nikki at 10:05 AM

Oh, it's good to have the house to myself. Even if it means doing laundry and finding that your parents used the last of the Woolite and didn't tell you... after you'd loaded your clothes and turned on the water...

It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing! Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah...! Swing dancing is SOOO much fun! I think I found a new hobby! =)
posted by Nikki at 12:44 AM

The power that stems from realizing and actually grasping the concept that you can do whatever you want in life is a very heady thing. Even if you feel you're "forced" to do something (like if you changed plans that you'd had to go on your dream vacation because you found out that your brother is getting married during that time) you're not really forced. You chose to change your plans. There is nothing out there that anyone can make you do- you control every single one of your decisions. I could choose to fly off to Paris tomorrow morning, if I wanted to. It doesn't mean it's a wise choice or that it's even feasible, but I could still choose to do so. So why am I talking about this? Well, I'm talking about this because this is a power I've recently discovered. I think it's what gave me the confidence to do all the things I have lately.

I would never have gone to Boston (a place I'd only been to once before- and that was while I had a 103 degree fever) alone if I hadn't had the confidence to think that I could. I couldn't be making plans to spend two years of my life traveling, when I should be working my way through grad school or trying to climb that corporate ladder if I didn't have the confidence that I could do all that later in life. I wouldn't be considering it okay for me to start grad school at the time most people start having a family if I didn't believe in my ability to do so.

I'm going to sound like I'm preaching, but if you truly believe that you have control over all your decisions in life, then you'll feel that you have the power to take a leap and make the decisions you might normally be afraid to make. If not, you'll live your life according to other people's rules and not your own.
posted by Nikki at 10:44 PM

I voted. I lost. It sucks.

Computer parts are slowly trickling in.... =)

Full House is now on re-runs on Nick at Nite. Hehehe...

It's weird how after almost two years, UCLA still seems like my home. And how I ran into a group of people I knew after only being on campus for two minutes.

I can't think straight.
posted by Nikki at 10:50 PM

I love my friends. Sometimes I think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world because I have some of the world's best friends. And I can never get over why they're friends with me. Cause they're all so creative and caring and intelligent and interesting that I don't know how they ever took me in as a friend. So, friend, if you're reading this: I love you and I'm grateful you're my friend! =)
posted by Nikki at 10:44 PM

I have a new favorite piece of clothing. It's Victoria's Secret's new Very Sexy Lined Demi Bra. =) It's perfect! It's the perfect t-shirt bra cause it's seamless and it's SO comfortable! I just bought two. Hehehe....

There was a moment tonight where I was in a total waking dream. I think the last time I was that spaced out was in elementary school. I was watching Tarzan, of all things, when all of a sudden I realized that I didn't know where the last few minutes had gone. I do remember that I was thinking about what it was like to be a certain other person and that it was like I was living their life- in their shoes, but I can't for the life of me remember who it was. Just like when I wake up from a dream before realizing I'm dreaming so I can make myself remember it. I haven't had a daydream like that in a loong time... It was very strange.

Only one one more week left in my marathon tutoring sessions! Woohoo!

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I really love helping students get into college. Whether it's by preparing them for the SAT's, helping out at college fairs, or giving random people on the street general college app info, I don't really care. Doing anything to help anyone get into college really makes me feel good. I remember, when I was in Vegas with Tam-tam and Tiffany, the girl who sold us our tickets to the wax museum got all excited when I showed her my student ID. She said she'd loved UCLA and that she hoped she could go there when she graduated. We talked for a few minutes and I couldn't help giving her a few tips on what she could do to increase her chances of getting in- like taking a summer class there before graduation, if at all possible, to show that she'd already been able to do the work and that she was serious about it. I'm such a big believer in increasing education that it makes me feel all giddy inside to think that I might have had something to do with getting these kids into college. It's so self-serving, yet not at the same time.

My "plan" for the future (which is definitely not written in stone):
Work until I get tired of my job, by which time I will hopefully have saved up at least $30,000.
Do the JET program for a year, from July to July, and come back with at least $10,000.
Spend the following January through August in Europe, traveling and maybe taking some classes...?
Go back to grad school, somewhere not in Southern California... possibly take International Relations or Public Policy...?
Get a job helping people...
Take at least one month to spend in Australia and New Zealand before "settling down."
Get married... Ha. I make it sound like getting married is the end of my life...

Bubbles had me looking through the CIA website last week. I saw a couple positions in the Professional Services department that I REALLY liked. Or else I could go back to working for non-profits- in the entertainment industry again, if I can help it. I really do love my job. =)
posted by Nikki at 11:42 PM

Oh Lord. They're showing the SPAM cook-off on the Food Network.

I was showing my college app stuff to my cousin and came across a folder with my SAT scores and all my admission letters in it. I'd forgotten about some of the schools I got into... and I'm really wondering why I said no to George Washington in DC...! Especially with the scholarships I got... Eck. But I don't regret going to UCLA, I just wish I could've gone to more than one school! Maybe I should go back to college... as an undergrad! LOL...

List of admitted schools:
UCI
UCLA
UC Berkeley
NYU - for the Dual Degree Program in Engineering! I completely forgot!
George Washington University, Washington DC
U. of Rochester
U. of Puget Sound
USC - admission with honors! ha!

It's so crazy looking through this folder... It's like looking at all the possible futures I had. It's amazing that I was able to choose one considering the gravity of it all. And it's sort of scary to think that I just chose one almost off the cuff. UCLA was sort of the "yes I want to go here, but partially because it's cheaper, closer, and easier." It was almost a cop out...

My new computer is on order. =) *Warning: my inner computer nerd is about to emerge.* I got the new Sony VAIO RZ44G desktop. It's not even being released for another few weeks. LOL... It's the mid-range model: P4 2.8 GHz w/ HT, 160GB HDD, 512 MB RAM (which I'm so upgrading!), GeForce FX5200 128MB VRAM, DVD+-RW, 2.1 stereo speakers w/ sub-woofer, Giga Pocket, and of course my two firewire ports! I'm so glad all this stupid crap happened to push back my order date, or else I would've gotten last year's model - for the same price!! Plus, I got a 17" LCD flat-panel monitor, an Epson All-In-One printer that only cost me $20 after rebate, and a free 5-port ethernet switch and Micro Vault. =) Altogether, I'm getting around $400 in free stuff - plus free shipping! Smiles all around! Now I just gotta clear a space for it all in my messy room...

I spoil myself too much.
posted by Nikki at 11:14 PM

So what would you do if your car got hit by a car that was being chased by ten police cars? Would you stay where you were and hope one of the police cars stops? Would you go on your way, if you can, and report it to your insurance company without any proof? Or would you chase after the police cars like the idiot I saw do today? I guess I'd be in shock if that happened to me and my first instinct would be to join in the chase... but shoot. I'd expect to get into more trouble for following a high speed police chase than just sitting where I was and calling the police. LOL... it took me like three seconds, too, to realize that the van that hit the car was being chased by the police. At first I just thought she (it was a she!) kept going to get out of their way, but when she SPED UP after getting through the intersection I realized who was being followed. Hahahahahaha... and then I saw the helicopters. What an idiot.

A conversation I had tonight made me think of something... It's ironic that we've got such a high employment rate when I know so many companies and businesses that are hiring! The problem is that there aren't enough intelligent people to hire! I got an email today for the job bank, saying that the pool of applicants has been "less than desirable" and that the positions have been open for quite some time. It's crazy! The problem is that our educational system sucks. And then there's the cultural influence to think of... how lazy are Americans compared to the rest of the world? I'd bet we rank up there.

Which also brings up a report I heard on the news. Some new study claims that students don't have as much homework as we think they do these days. They say that most students do less than an hour's worth of homework each night. The key word there is DO. I'm sure they've got more homework than that. They're just not doing it! It's only the exceptional student who actually does all their homework. And I'm guessing that if you do the numbers, only about 10-15% of the student population of America would count as exceptional... No wonder we've got so many job openings and unqualified workers!
posted by Nikki at 11:10 PM

My accomplishment of the day: teaching myself how to use PowerPoint and completing a presentation for our Penn State chapter. A very good presentation, I might add. Weeee! PowerPoint is actually fun!

Please God don't let Arnold become our governor!!! Ignoring the fact that I don't agree with him politically, he just doesn't have the experience necessary to run a STATE. I don't have anything against him going into politics, but let him start on the local level like everyone else!
posted by Nikki at 10:34 PM

Man, I'm looking at this baby picture I have posted of me on Friendster and I'm wondering where the hell that girl went.

Tonight, I sat FOUR SEATS away from Lance Bass!!!!!! I never get star struck. But tonight I was grinning like an idiot. LOL. I was so sad when he left early! But during the time that he was there, I was very happy. =)

I got to go to the taping of Lifetime TV's Women Rock concert tonight. It was pretty good. Mandy Moore hosted and she was decent. It was funny, though, cause she was the first performer of the night and she had to introduce herself. Although, I'm sure they'll fix that in post-production. But anyway, she started singing the first two lines of her brand new song and she was AWFUL. Completely off key. And then she was all, "I'm sorry, I can't do this. There's no music! How am I supposed to sing without music, right?" LOL... it turned out one of the keyboards had gotten unplugged. But they got it fixed and after that she sang very well. It's nice to know that even these guys mess up sometimes! Even Bonnie Raitt messed up when she was singing with Dolly Parton (who actually seems like an incredibly nice lady!)

But the runaway performances of the night were definitely Debbie Reynolds and KENNY LOGGINS. LOL!!! That's right, Kenny Loggins of Top Gun's "Danger Zone" and Footloose soundtrack fame- both of which he performed. OMG. This guy is 52 and a total rocker! Hahahaha... He's actually pretty hot, too, considering his age. He literally had everyone on their feet dancing and clapping during Footloose. Then he came back out and did a duet for "Almost Paradise"- one of my favorite songs! Eeee!

And then Debbie Reynolds... man, she is so cute! AND she is the most natural performer I think I've ever seen! So elegant and graceful and FUNNY! After she did her first song, "Tammy", Mandy Moore came back out so they could segue into a duet. But she didn't notice that her mic wasn't working, so Debbie was all "Mandy, you're not on." Hehehe... and then while they were trying to get it fixed, Debbie finally just handed the mic over to Mandy. And when she did that the band just randomly started playing "Beat It" and Debbie started dancing. You know, even for an old lady with white hair she is one of THE BEST dancers I've ever seen! She is incredible. She went on for a little less than a minute- and if she'd kept going I'm sure people would've been standing and hollering in the aisles. Even for that 45 second performance she got one of the biggest ovations of the night. I love her! And I'm so sad, because I think they're gonna cut that out when it airs. And it was one of the best moments of the night!

It was so inspiring to see all these REALLY good performers. I love it when I get to watch people who are really talented and not just there for show. And even better is that this whole concert is a breast cancer benefit. I also need to say that Sharon Osbourne really does seem like a great lady! She was the most natural presenter of the night and I have 100% more respect for her now than I did five hours ago.

Anyway, it was fun night. And afterward we got to go to the afterparty, where I saw Danielle Fisher (again!), of Boy Meets World fame- she played Topanga. But I'm sure Lance and Mandy and all them got their own little VIP afterparty. But it was cool cause I finally got to go to level 5 of Hollywood and Highland and hang out. The club was decorated in white mod (it looked NICE) and it was open bar and free food. And, of course, on the way out we got a goody bag. =)

So, it's time for bed. Cause it's SO late and I gotta be at work tomorrow! LOL! And I'm still burping up my rum and coke... :p
posted by Nikki at 1:36 AM